What This Week's Superhero News Means for The Future of Movies
Updated: Sep 16, 2020
It’s a scary place out there right now in the theatrical exhibition landscape. Films are leaving the fall schedule, movies that theaters pinned their reopening plans on are underperforming and the next few months is a sea of uncertainty.
What is the solution to it all? How does the entertainment industry get through 2020 in one piece? A recent bit of news in the world of superhero films might just hold the answer.
Yes, you read that right. Sony is making a Spider-Girl movie.
But don't worry - the studio seems intent to take every single Spider-Man side character that has ever been invented and greenlight a film focused on their adventures. Spider-Woman, Silk, Jackpot, Nightwatch, Kraven the Hunter, Mysterio, not to mention the temporarily shelved MORBIUS and upcoming sequels for the Tom Holland SPIDER-MAN series, VENOM, and SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE.
And yet, and yet ... how has Sony not greenlit a MAN-WOLF movie yet?
Our theater industry is in need of your salvation, Sony - and MAN-WOLF is the answer! Only by the fanged claws of MAN-WOLF can theaters have a bright future of property to once again look forward to. Only with the knowledge that a MAN-WOLF movie is coming can audiences know it's safe to return to the cinema. Only by MAN-WOLF can the Spider-Man Cinematic Universe have its brightest shining Stargod.
Unfamiliar with Man-Wolf?
Let me give you the rundown.
Man-Wolf is John Jameson, the son of the Daily Bugle’s publisher J. Jonah Jameson. John actually first appeared in the very first issue of AMAZING SPIDER-MAN, all the way back in 1963. He's got that OG cred.
John is an astronaut and, while on one of his special astronaut space missions doing whatever it is that astronauts do between peeing in zero gravity and Skyping with bored elementary school kids, he discovered a special cursed ruby that turns him into a werewolf.
That’s right, Man-Wolf is a werewolf astronaut!
I mean, this movie writes itself. Where is the worse place to be a werewolf? On the freaking moon!
It's like ALIEN, but with a werewolf! Or like LEPRECHAUN 4, but with a werewolf! Or like CRITTERS 3, but with a werewolf! Or like HELLRAISER 4, but with a werewolf!
You want world-building? How about this: At some point, the amazing weirdos at Marvel decided to give MAN-WOLF his own series. The creators got tired of telling the same kind of stories that were already being told in WEREWOLF BY NIGHT so they sent Man-Wolf to Narnia! You can do MAN-WOLF sequels in which a werewolf rides a flying horse and says "Verily!"
I'm joking about the Narnia, thing.
But only kinda.
MAN-WOLF did indeed become a sword and sorcery title when Astronaut John's fuzzy ass was sent to a place called the Other Realm. This mystical place was the source of John’s cursed ruby but, while in Narnia, I mean Other Realm, John learned that he could retain his intelligence while in wolf-mode and, in fact, he was some destined hero meant to be the local champion of this freaky ass fantasyland.
John would start going by the name Stargod and began wielding a sword and a bow and arrow.
Hello, Sony! You have a chance to make a movie about a werewolf that wears a scabbard and a quiver!
Man-Wolf would bounce around the periphery of Marvel Comics for a while, dating She-Hulk, partnering up with Captain America (including during the period of time where Steve Rogers became Cap Wolf), and even working as a warden in the insane asylum where Carnage was kept locked away. This is material that’s rich for that cinematic universe bullshit that we all love so much.
Seriously, how the hell is Sony going to make a KRAVEN THE HUNTER movie before they greenlight a MAN-WOLF film!?!? Unless the KRAVEN THE HUNTER movie is going to be about Kraven the Hunter hunting Man-Wolf, and then that's a terrible idea for a movie because there's no way a werewolf wielding both a sword and arrows lets a dude that looks like Kraven get the upper hand on him.
Long live MAN-WOLF - the greatest damn sword-wielding, newspaper heir, astronaut werewolf that ever was.
He's a good Man-Wolf, Brent.